A look inside a Type 1 Diabetic's wife's purse. Tums and Chapstick for me...and Diabetic supplies for him...
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Monday, February 25, 2013
Anxiety Plays A Bigger Part Than I Thought
Last week was tough for me. Vince was sick with a nasty cold and was extremely drowsy. That started on Sunday. On Monday morning, I took him to the doctor. By Tuesday, I had completely lost it. I was so stressed, I cried all day at work. I must have called my brother in law at least twice last week in tears. I think my supervisor/friend got a tearful episode as well. By Wednesday, into Thursday, I was starting to think a little more clearly. I realized that although I have a lot on my plate, it's not as bad as it could be. I think my Anxiety and my constant worrying magnify our situation. The thing is, I don't always acknowledge this until after the fact. Better late than never I suppose. By the time I calm down, I get so embarrassed and apologetic at whoever got the wrath of my tears.
I need to start acknowledging that although I have a lot on my plate, that is no question, that I also have a severe Anxiety issue. I need to remember that if I am having an exceptionally hard day or week, that I need to take a step back and think about the real issue at hand. Is it all being overwhelmed by my care taking tasks, or is it an Anxiety attack. Through it all, last week I was visiting with some great friends and talked about my issues with them more than usual. I think we have more people in our corner than I realized and it's a great feeling.
I need to start acknowledging that although I have a lot on my plate, that is no question, that I also have a severe Anxiety issue. I need to remember that if I am having an exceptionally hard day or week, that I need to take a step back and think about the real issue at hand. Is it all being overwhelmed by my care taking tasks, or is it an Anxiety attack. Through it all, last week I was visiting with some great friends and talked about my issues with them more than usual. I think we have more people in our corner than I realized and it's a great feeling.
Monday, February 18, 2013
These Are The Days I Feel There Is Too Much Weight On My Shoulders
It's Sunday night. Vince says he thinks he should go to the doctor. His ear hurts. It must be an infection. So I call my supervisor, who is the most understanding boss (and friend) I could ask for. I let her know I will be in late tomorrow morning. No problem she says.
Monday morning. I wake up around 8:30AM on my own. I haven't been sleeping very well the past few nights. I wait until 9AM and call the doctor for an appointment. We get an appointment for 11AM. Around 10AM I go to wake Vince up and let him know about the appointment. He is having a very drowsy morning. He gets up and gets dressed only to sit down and sleep on the couch while I put his shoes and socks on and get him ready to leave. We leave soon and he dozes off once again in the car. He was so drowsy that at one point he woke up during the drive and thought I was driving to my work. When we get to the office, we have a seat in the waiting room. He dozes off again. Soon we are taken back to the room to wait for the doctor. He steps up on the table and has a seat. I take a seat in the room as well. He sits there, falling in and out of sleep as I watch him hoping he doesn't literally fall off the table as he sways back and forth in his sleep. I hear the doctor coming towards our room so I quickly wake him up so she doesn't see. She checks him out and gives him a script and we are on our way. We went to the pharmacy next door and then got back into the car, where he promptly dozes off again. Once we are home, he gets back into bed, I put drops in his ear and off snoring he goes back to sleep.
After I have some lunch, I am off to work for a half day. I am left feeling stressed out. The thing that makes these situations even worse is that I try to wake him up during the "dozing off" periods and his usual response is either "I'm okay" or "I'm awake" Now both of those just frustrates me even more. No your not okay, your about to fall off the table, or where ever you happen to be because your sleeping sitting up. Also, no your not awake. I can see you sleeping, head and body bobbing back and forth as you do so.
So to end this venting of a post: I HATE NEUROPATHY MEDICATIONS AND HOW THEY CHANGE WHO HE IS. This is not him. Days like this, I feel like I lost him in there somewhere and I just want my normal Vince back.
Monday morning. I wake up around 8:30AM on my own. I haven't been sleeping very well the past few nights. I wait until 9AM and call the doctor for an appointment. We get an appointment for 11AM. Around 10AM I go to wake Vince up and let him know about the appointment. He is having a very drowsy morning. He gets up and gets dressed only to sit down and sleep on the couch while I put his shoes and socks on and get him ready to leave. We leave soon and he dozes off once again in the car. He was so drowsy that at one point he woke up during the drive and thought I was driving to my work. When we get to the office, we have a seat in the waiting room. He dozes off again. Soon we are taken back to the room to wait for the doctor. He steps up on the table and has a seat. I take a seat in the room as well. He sits there, falling in and out of sleep as I watch him hoping he doesn't literally fall off the table as he sways back and forth in his sleep. I hear the doctor coming towards our room so I quickly wake him up so she doesn't see. She checks him out and gives him a script and we are on our way. We went to the pharmacy next door and then got back into the car, where he promptly dozes off again. Once we are home, he gets back into bed, I put drops in his ear and off snoring he goes back to sleep.
After I have some lunch, I am off to work for a half day. I am left feeling stressed out. The thing that makes these situations even worse is that I try to wake him up during the "dozing off" periods and his usual response is either "I'm okay" or "I'm awake" Now both of those just frustrates me even more. No your not okay, your about to fall off the table, or where ever you happen to be because your sleeping sitting up. Also, no your not awake. I can see you sleeping, head and body bobbing back and forth as you do so.
So to end this venting of a post: I HATE NEUROPATHY MEDICATIONS AND HOW THEY CHANGE WHO HE IS. This is not him. Days like this, I feel like I lost him in there somewhere and I just want my normal Vince back.
Friday, January 18, 2013
Today's Conversation Got Me Thinking
There are a lot of people around me that do not know my story. Coworkers for example. I do not go around broadcasting my troubles. But if I get into a conversation and it comes up, I am happy to share. I almost feel like it helps explain why I might look stressed or be a bit wacky some days! When talking to people about my life and situation, they always have the same reactions: You are so awesome! How do you do it? Your going straight upstairs. Did his disability start before you were married? yada yada yada I get awkward with this. I don't know how to reply. I don't always feel as strong as they make me out to be. I don't always think I can keep going. How DO I do it?
Thinking back, the majority of Vince's disabilities began to happen while we planned our wedding in 2007. It started a bit before that time, but that is the point when I remember everything really crashing down around us. His pain went from a little to a lot and his vision went very quickly; almost overnight. It was such a scary time. I remember sitting with Vince outside the first emergency eye doctor's appointment in the car when we left and we just cried. We bawled. We had no idea what was going to happen and how we were going to handle it all. We had just been told that BOTH of his eyes were in serious trouble and the doctor did not give much hope at all. He referred Vince to a specialist and in not so many words, said good luck and that specialist was Vince's best chance he had. We were scared to death. I remember going home and we went straight to bed. No dinner. No nothing. Straight to sleep. I remember thinking, if I just go to sleep, it will all go away. And it did. Untill I woke up and literally said to myself, "No, it wasn't a dream. This is real" I remember working and sleeping for the next few days. We didn't even tall family or friends at first what was going on. We were terrified.
Now, remember when I said the vision issues happened in the middle of us planning our wedding? It wasn't until years later that I realized this when someone asked me when it happened and proceeded to praise me. I never understood why they praise me. I still don't. To be completely honest, I NEVER once in that process can remember thinking maybe we should stop, not get married and end this. I honestly can't foresee having that thought if you are truly in love with someone. How would you want to leave them when they need you most? Doesn't that go against what marriage stands for? It's just not rational to me. Sure in my weak moments I ask myself how I can go on. How can I keep doing this. That it's just too hard. But once I calm down and think clearly, those thoughts go right out the window. I would never dream of deserting Vince over a medical problem. God knows, he would never do that to me. If I even have a sniffle, he sends me straight to bed with a hug and kiss to get my rest.
So what keeps me going? Well, some days, it feels like nothing. It feels like it's all too much and I just want to stop. But those days are few and far between. There has to be a good amount of bad days in a row for me to start thinking like that. So, I don't have one clear answer but I can honestly say that Vince is one thing that keeps me going. Although, most of my stress comes from his illness' he is the one that is by my side, wiping my tears, and telling me it will all be okay. He is the only one that can say it will all be okay, and I actually believe it. It's the truth. And knowing I have that and can rely on that is all I need to keep me going.
Thinking back, the majority of Vince's disabilities began to happen while we planned our wedding in 2007. It started a bit before that time, but that is the point when I remember everything really crashing down around us. His pain went from a little to a lot and his vision went very quickly; almost overnight. It was such a scary time. I remember sitting with Vince outside the first emergency eye doctor's appointment in the car when we left and we just cried. We bawled. We had no idea what was going to happen and how we were going to handle it all. We had just been told that BOTH of his eyes were in serious trouble and the doctor did not give much hope at all. He referred Vince to a specialist and in not so many words, said good luck and that specialist was Vince's best chance he had. We were scared to death. I remember going home and we went straight to bed. No dinner. No nothing. Straight to sleep. I remember thinking, if I just go to sleep, it will all go away. And it did. Untill I woke up and literally said to myself, "No, it wasn't a dream. This is real" I remember working and sleeping for the next few days. We didn't even tall family or friends at first what was going on. We were terrified.
Now, remember when I said the vision issues happened in the middle of us planning our wedding? It wasn't until years later that I realized this when someone asked me when it happened and proceeded to praise me. I never understood why they praise me. I still don't. To be completely honest, I NEVER once in that process can remember thinking maybe we should stop, not get married and end this. I honestly can't foresee having that thought if you are truly in love with someone. How would you want to leave them when they need you most? Doesn't that go against what marriage stands for? It's just not rational to me. Sure in my weak moments I ask myself how I can go on. How can I keep doing this. That it's just too hard. But once I calm down and think clearly, those thoughts go right out the window. I would never dream of deserting Vince over a medical problem. God knows, he would never do that to me. If I even have a sniffle, he sends me straight to bed with a hug and kiss to get my rest.
So what keeps me going? Well, some days, it feels like nothing. It feels like it's all too much and I just want to stop. But those days are few and far between. There has to be a good amount of bad days in a row for me to start thinking like that. So, I don't have one clear answer but I can honestly say that Vince is one thing that keeps me going. Although, most of my stress comes from his illness' he is the one that is by my side, wiping my tears, and telling me it will all be okay. He is the only one that can say it will all be okay, and I actually believe it. It's the truth. And knowing I have that and can rely on that is all I need to keep me going.
Old Language Vs New
"Technical Terms"
Insulin Dependent Diabetes
Juvenile Diabetes
Type 1 Diabetes
Type 2 Diabetes
Diabetes
"Not so much"
The Bad One
The One That is Worse
The Pill One
The Adult One
It's a wonder the public is confused. I would be too; there was a time I was. Some of these are true terms for the disease and others are really just how people describe them. I find that the older generation uses the incorrect language more so than the younger. I also find that people who have had it for many years, usually Type 1, sometimes also use the old verbage, such as Juvenile Diabetes. I even find myself using that term sometimes, just to avoid confusion.
I find I don't mind explaining the differences to people. I figure it is one more person that will know. Spread the knowledge, right? I think that the people that have Type 2, along with the non Diabetics, are the most "confused" or "ignorant" Ignorant in a lack of knowledge sense. Not a rude or mean sense. If you talk to a Type 1 Diabetic, there is no explaining what so ever. Is this the doctor's not explaining the condition enough when people are diagnosed, in particular with Type 2? Not sure, but hopefully people will know more and more.
Insulin Dependent Diabetes
Juvenile Diabetes
Type 1 Diabetes
Type 2 Diabetes
Diabetes
"Not so much"
The Bad One
The One That is Worse
The Pill One
The Adult One
It's a wonder the public is confused. I would be too; there was a time I was. Some of these are true terms for the disease and others are really just how people describe them. I find that the older generation uses the incorrect language more so than the younger. I also find that people who have had it for many years, usually Type 1, sometimes also use the old verbage, such as Juvenile Diabetes. I even find myself using that term sometimes, just to avoid confusion.
I find I don't mind explaining the differences to people. I figure it is one more person that will know. Spread the knowledge, right? I think that the people that have Type 2, along with the non Diabetics, are the most "confused" or "ignorant" Ignorant in a lack of knowledge sense. Not a rude or mean sense. If you talk to a Type 1 Diabetic, there is no explaining what so ever. Is this the doctor's not explaining the condition enough when people are diagnosed, in particular with Type 2? Not sure, but hopefully people will know more and more.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)