Zero Zilch Nada Nothing...ALL THE TIME!

Something has been driving me crazy lately. My memory has left me out in the cold. I cannot remember anything! I write every last thing down. I have lists and a master calendar! Half the time, I will be in the middle of something, and I will think of something I need to write down, and two seconds later I forget all about it. At work, I always have a million things going on at once, as I support 12 people. Thank god for email keeping me organized, because I can’t remember anything there either. I feel so dumb when I pass someone in the hall and they say, “where do we stand on such and such” and of course I have no clue what they are talking about. I have to laugh it off and say, “oh I have it written down at my desk. I don’t remember things unless I am sitting in front of them.”
 
I think this problem of mine has gotten worse over the years. I have so much to think about with Vince’s health that my brain is too tired to do anything else.
 
It’s frustrating, but thanks to my calendar and grocery list on my iPod which is always with me, and my work email box to organize everyone’s requests, I mange to stay organized. Just don’t ask me what I had for breakfast! I may not remember what I had, but I never forget to eat!!

A Beautiful Day

I have to share what a wonderful day it has been today. Sunny and 70 degrees outside. Vince and I went out early to do our normal Saturday grocery and drug store run with his hair cut and Mother's day gifts to pick up added to the agenda. Vince felt great and it showed. I didn't even realize this, but I kept hanging on Vince all day. Holding his hand and giving him hugs as we walked around the stores. He brought it to my attention and I said I was just making up for when I can't hold him because of the pain, which is most of the time. He had a big smile on his face all day and even suggested we go out to lunch to a sit down restaurant, which we seldom do anymore because he is to uncomfortable to sit there. Once we came home, he took a nap and woke up in just as great a mood as earlier. I hope the harsh winter is finally over and hope that we can enjoy days like this more often this spring and summer :) 

Another Long Post

Where do I begin? There has been so much going on lately. I suppose I will start with family planning. Vince and I have been trying to start a family for about 3 years now without success. I began to see my doctor for help at some point. I think it was last year but to be honest, I forget now when it was. I have zero memory of anything anymore. Must be the stress. Anyway, I explained that we are trying to have a baby and that my cycle is always off which is probably why we are not having luck. They started me on some meds to try to regulate me but still no success. After noticing some issues with Vince, we began to think our problems were more than what my OBGYN could handle. A few months ago we made an appointment with an infertility specialist. Our first appointment there shocked me. They got right down to business. They did a full work up on us and a full exam on me, ultrasound included. They confirmed what I have been told in the past. I indeed have PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome) They were hopeful and said we can still have a baby with some better monitoring and treatments. We explained a few issues we have noticed on Vince's side and they said there are ways around it. We have options. So, okay, sounds like we are still in the game. Over the next few weeks and month or so, I spent a lot of mornings before work, going to their office for blood work and internal ultrasounds. I should probably mention that going to the "girly" doctor is my least favorite thing in the entire world but after all this, I got over it quickly. So, as they were trying to figure out what my body was doing and regulate me, they also sent me for some routine tests to be sure all my other parts were in working order. I won't go into detail but let's just say they were very painful and almost scared me away from the whole "birthing a child" idea. Anyway,  after a few months of all the monitoring, they were ready to do an IUI (intrauterine insemination) Of course my body felt that the perfect day for this would be the morning of the start of my new job. Yay! Hear my excitement? So we collected Vince's sample and off I went to the doctor to be inseminated bright and early that day. After waiting for them to prepare everything, a nurse came out and called me back. I thought, good, we are still doing good on time. I couldn't be late for my first day of a new job! But instead of taking me to an exam room, we went to an office. Weird, I thought. Then she proceeded to tell me there was a problem with his sample. I won't go into detail for Vince's sake. She said she will have the doctor call us. So I left, teary eyed and called Vince with the news and went to my first day of work and put a smile on my face. A few days later the doctor called and said he thinks Vince needed to see a specialist but he would like to have some blood work drawn first. So we had that done and waited. Then the doctor called me a few days later with the news. He said he found that Vince's hormone levels were very off which explained the issue with the sample and that it is a sign of a pituitary gland tumor. At this point I stopped listening. When he stopped talking, I said, is it cancer? He said no. Not cancer, just a tumor. He will need to take medication for the rest of his life to regulate himself and his hormones should return to normal and we can continue the baby making procedures. He said Vince needs an MRI to confirm. Of course we did what any human would do when the doctor says the word tumor. We went right to Web MD. There it said that MOST of the time these types of tumors were not cancerous. Most of the time? Well that doesn't give us any comfort! The doctor failed to mention that there was even a possibility of cancer. So where are we today? We are waiting for his MRI next week to see how big the tumor is and we will go from there. It actually explains a little bit of why he has been feeling more awful. It explains the headaches and some of the nausea. So now we wait and hope that it isn't anything too awful.

We Don't See it Everyday

As Vince and I walked through the grocery the other day, we heard a man say, “you have the same pump as I do” Vince’s pump normally hangs off his pocket of his pants so it is quite visible. The man’s wife was down the isle with their cart and he said it as he was passing us to get to her. It was so out of the blue. I walked toward him and noticed his Minimed Revel Pump on his belt and I asked him how long he had been diabetic. He said 50 years. He looked to be in his 60’s or 70’s (I am very bad at guessing ages). I asked him if he uses the sensor with the pump and he said no. His insurance wouldn’t cover the cost of the sensor. How sad! I hate hearing this! He did agree with us though that the Revel is a great pump and is awesome. I love seeing this, even though I know their life is as difficult as the rest of us, which is sad. I told Vince as we walked away how it makes me feel good to see others with a pump. He agreed. It makes us feel like we are not alone. There are others in our little screwed up world. That is why I love talking to all of the Diabetic Online Community here. You don’t see a person with a pump walking down the grocery isle everyday!

Don't Forget the Low Factor

It was 2:30AM and I woke up looking for Vince. I go out to the living room to find him playing his Playstation 3. He likes to do this to clear his head. He said he will be coming to bed soon, so I go back to sleep. I wake up again at 4:30AM and find that he still isn’t in bed. Worried that he may have gone low, I go looking for him again. I find him asleep in the recliner on the couch. I didn’t want to wake him so I turned off some of the lights and turn off the TV. I checked his sensor and it said his number was 165 with an arrow going down. Since I was half asleep, I forgot to check how quickly it was going down. I just saw the 165 and figured he would be fine and went back to bed. The alarm clock went off at 6:45AM, so I got up for work. I went to the living room and woke him up and told him he should go to bed. As soon as he woke up, he was screaming in horrible pain. He was mad that he slept out on the couch and thinks it was bad for his body and caused his pain to be worse. I told him I didn’t want to wake him and that is why I left him on the couch. He was just screaming at the pain. I was telling him to calm down and to be quiet and he started yelling at me telling me I don’t understand the pain. Saying no one understands how horrible it is and so on.  I was getting annoyed since he was screaming more than usual and was very agitated. I continued to try to get ready for work as he was dealing with waking up and being in pain. His pump beeped at him and he told me he was low on insulin and needed a site change. Annoyed already by all the drama of the morning, I got the supplies and helped him with the site change. As I continued to get ready for work, he tested his blood sugar and announced that he was 49. At this, I mumble under my breath “Well that is why your acting like an idiot”. I didn’t even realize I had said it. He said don’t call me an idiot. I said it wasn’t you, the low sugar was making you act like one. All of the yelling and frustration was from the pain and was heightened because he was low! So we treated his low and he finally returned to his normal sane self. He could tell I was in a bad mood and he said I’m sorry I was yelling and if I said anything mean to you. I said, you just kept yelling about everything. He apologized and gave me a big hug and kiss and of course said what a wonderful wife I am and thanked me for helping him. I hate how low sugar makes him act like someone he is not. It is so frustrating. I wish I had thought to check his sugar earlier. He hasn’t had to many bad lows lately, so I guess I just wasn’t thinking about it. I am just so thankful that Vince and I have such a great understanding of his medical conditions and how it affects him. If he or I get mad, once we calm down, we always apologize and talk it out. We know we aren’t really yelling at each other. It is just the sucky situation.