Tuesday, August 21, 2012

I Am Rambling.....

Have I taken on too much? I don’t think so. At least the better part of me thinks I haven’t. I look at it like this: Yes, I work 50-60 hours a week however I don’t have a big social life so it’s not like I don’t have the time, right? I think what I am realizing is that I have the time but maybe not the mental time and energy. I think I have to keep working at it and give myself a chance to adjust to the new working schedule. I have been so tired lately between working, cleaning, cooking, and taking care of Vince, but when do you say enough is enough? That it might be too much. I feel like I should be able to handle all this without a problem however, as I have been told in the past, I seem to be a bit harsh with the expectations I have for myself. I see things that need to be done for us to keep going so I just do them and push all problems or feelings aside. Someone has to do them, right? Between the two of us, I am obviously the more healthy person so I gotta do what I gotta do.

Am I rambling? Yes. Yes I am. Why? Because I am tired physically and mentally and it has caused my anxiety that I had under control recently to flare up again. I really hate that I have anxiety. I never had it in the past. It does run in my family though, but why now? Why did I get it now? I don’t feel like my normal self. I’m referring to my normal self from 6 or more years ago. What happened to that Sandy? Calm and collective. Thought with a clear head. Was I really always as normal as I remember? Or did I always have some sort of anxiety that I didn’t recognize until it got bad? I don’t know but I guess what I need to do is work on accepting the fact that I have it and I need to accept that it is who I am now whether I like it or not. Just needed to vent that…………


  1. you are entitled to:
    ... ramble
    ....have anxiety
    ....be tired
    ....be you!

    as you say, don't judge yourself so harshly
    just ... be

  2. I sometimes wonder the same thing. And I don't have a second job. I understand the anxiety. I think it's important to accept it's an issue so that you can get the emotional and physical help you need. Even though I know I'm bipolar I went 2 months before I accepted I was having more complications with it than normal. It caused a lot of problems. Thank goodness you have somewhere to ramble, right? :-)