Thursday, December 5, 2013
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Friday, October 25, 2013
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Monday, September 16, 2013
Friday, September 13, 2013
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things
I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can
and the Wisdom to know the difference.
Friday, September 6, 2013
This is one of those times when my guilt gets the best of me. This isn't the first time and since medical issues are involved, it won't be the last. But when this happens, I feel such extremely guilt. Fear even. So many emotions. You are probably asking what on earth could it be.
As I explained in my last few posts, we have had a very busy few weeks. Between vince being sick with bronchitis and the photo shoot and the doctor appointments, he is flat out exhausted. Well, we are supposed to go with our friend to New Jersey for a day trip tomorrow but Vince said he is just to worn out and tired to go.
It's not even that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. The rational side of me knows this. The anxious and sensitive side of me doesn't know it. I have gotten so much grief in the past when Vince could not be at a specific event or gathering. My guilt takes over and I get so afraid people will be upset or even mad at us. I know there are rational reasons for him being limited. He does after all have more than a few chronic illnesses. I know this. But when other people don't understand the situation for what it is, it makes it so hard for me. I am a people pleaser. I just want to do what makes everyone else happy and approving.
Why do I let it get to me? I know the situation we have and what he is capable of. If other people don't understand, why does it get to me? I don't know. I am working working on it though. Working on not feeling guilty over so many things in life.
But I am happy to say that our dear friend, who is like a second Mom to me, is the sweetest, most understanding person I have ever known. I know she won't be upset but past experiences along with my silly guilty tendencies still make it hard when I feel like we are disappointing someone.
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
At that point, we were not sure how much of his phone interview would be in the article. All we were told is that the article will be in the November issue of the magazine. Then, we were surprised by another email from the woman who asked if they could send out a photographer for a photo shoot with Vince. We were so excited! Within two days, we got him a nice new outfit, a new hair cut, and cleaned the house in preperation for the shoot. They came out and did a few shots for the article. I took some behind the scenes photos:
These last two are showing how he uses his stationary bike for excersize and to keep his legs mobile.
We still do not know how little or big this article is going to turn out, but nonetheless it is very exciting. Whether it is just a small picture and information about him, or an entire article on him, we are not sure, but we will share once we get the issue!
Friday, August 30, 2013
Now, as an adult who manages and deals with a Diabetic husband, learning about Diabetes care and management has become a passion of mine (along with Crocheting!) I often think back to this movie and wonder if I always had this passion and maybe I just didn't realize? Why did I take an interest in that character? I don't know.
Why is it my passion today? I am a caregiver by nature. I am nurturing and caring and that comes out in Diabetes management. I strive to make sure Vince gets the best possible care and the best possible resources in order to keep up that care. I think he feeds off this as well.
I never went to college when I graduated High School. High School was difficult for me as I am not a fast learner. I had very little interest in college and had no idea what I wanted to do with my work life. Looking, back, I know what I would do. I would love to be a Diabetes Educator. I recently looked in to this field, knowing I would fly through the schooling with the knowledge I already have, but was disappointed to see that a Diabetes Educator is actually a sub category of nursing. Nursing school is expensive and is not easy. If I ever made the choice to go to school, I would definitely chose the medical field.
When I was young, I was terrified of needles, blood, and anything involving the two. I would cry for days even BEFORE I got an immunization. It's funny how people change and their fears change. I would never have guessed in a million years that I would want to go into the medical field. That it would be my "dream job" For now, I am content with working at Comcast. We have extremely good benefits and it is a very large company to feel stable in. Well, as stable as you can get nowadays in this economy.
But should the opportunity arise, I would definitely consider becoming a Diabetes Educator, or "CDE" Certified Diabetes Educator. I feel I would have a lot of compassion and understanding and be able to empathize with the patients and really be able to help educate them and help them lead a healthy Diabetic life.
It's a dream. You never know what the future holds. Maybe one day!
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
It is great to be able to go back and look at how things may have changed or might still be the same. I don't have the need to check in with Vince as much as I did 2 years ago in this post. He hasn't had many low episodes lately so I feel safer leaving him for longer than 2 hours without checking in. I still do my 10:00 - 11:00 AM call in the morning and then he will either text me or I will call him in the afternoon before he lays down to nap.
But as always with Diabetes, nothing is ever "under control" and if it is, it can change by the hour. So if he starts having lot's of lows again, then the calls and check ins will be a must. Taking it just one day at a time.
The list this time? 15 vials of insulin, 540 muscle relaxers, 90 pills of blood pressure meds, and 90 days of asthma pills. All 90 day scripts. It's a lot. A lot of medicine and a lot of copays. This however is only SOME of his medicine. Just what happened to need refilling right now.
Most of the medication comes from our local CVS Pharmacy. I am not a fan of CVS however with our insurance, to get the best co pay price, we are forced to go there. If I hit them on a good day, the few people that know what they are doing are there and it goes smoothly. Today I called to see if everything was in stock and I got great service. It's nice when they know you AND know what they are doing LOL I will have to place a Medtronic supply order soon too. That is mail order from Medtronic directly but they are great and UPS shows up just a few days after ordering. So, here we are! Time to stock up again!
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Friday, August 9, 2013
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Friday, August 2, 2013
Friday, July 26, 2013
Thursday, July 4, 2013
25% of sales from this event will go directly to our team! If you are interested in some great products for a great cause, click here https://www.mythirtyone.com/forms/frm_event_my_events.aspx and start shopping during the next two weeks!
Thank you everyone!
Friday, June 21, 2013
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Vince has been trying to get more exercise lately. It is so hard for him though. Either he is in too much pain, or his balance is off, or just the mere thought of knowing the soreness to come afterwards are all obstacles he faces in trying to stay active. Some days its all he can do to just get through the day, let alone exercising. Well, he did it. He joined a few old friends for a game of stick ball. In my head, I was wondering if this was a good idea or not. I even said to him, can you handle it? He said he thought so. I didn't want to tell him he wasn't allowed to go. I didn't want to be THAT wife, so I stayed quiet. I put lots of glucose tabs in his bag and stressed to listen for the low alarm since he has been running on the low side.I went to work and he went to the church parking lot. The same place he played as a kid. Well, he apparently fell 3 times due to balance issues and issues from his leg brace. I asked him why he fell so many times. He said he thought he could do it. He didn't want to give up. And that was a good answer. Although he knows it was dumb to practically throw himself against the pavement, he didn't want to give up. He is a fighter. That is certain.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Do not dig into the Diabetes supply bag without looking unless you are ready to get stabbed viciously with a lancet. 4 days later, my poor thumb is still healing.
A few thoughts running through my mind:
I wonder how the A1C is going? I have seen some highs and some lows but I am not good at judging them in the big picture...
Vince is going to be giving a speech to a class of students. I am debating if he should silence his pump/CGM. I will be with him so I am thinking he should...
We have a new budget we are following...Is this next doctor's visit calculated in? Boy, these co pays are adding up...
Why did we get a surprise delivery from Medtronic of a new pump clip? Should I return it? Nah, we could use a spare. I wonder if we will get charged?
Vince recently visited the ER and found out he has a small kidney stone. He was told he should follow up with a urologist to be sure some of his symtoms he was expierencing were not related to something else. We went to the appointment and were pleasantly surprised to find out he was in good shape and was told to come back in 6 months. Good news for once! Whew...
Don't forget to call in that refill!!!!
I know I'm forgetting something that I need to do...
Boy, filling out the social security review paperwork is such a pain in the tush...Must they really be this detailed? This is a bit much...
Thursday, April 11, 2013
What was it like before complications?
What was it like to NOT see him in pain all the time?
What was it like when I didn't hear cries from the pain from the one person that a simple cringe would break my heart each and every time?
What was it like to grab food without thinking about Vince's bolus even though I was the only one eating?
What was it like before, when I didn't know the first thing about health insurance because I didn't HAVE to?
What was it like when I first met Vince and didn't worry about his disease?
What was it like to go to work and not worry if he was alive and okay where ever he was that day because I really had no idea how dangerous this disease was?
What if you were prescribed a medication but the side effects were life threatening if you didn't take it the exact way you were supposed to, but that way changed every day? Would you take the med? Think about it. That is insulin........
What was it like before I was judged for worrying about Vince, all because people "don't get it"?
What was it like when he was working?
What was it like when he was working and I would have to coax, urge, and beg for him to pull to the side of the road or to the 7-11 to treat a low while he was driving?
What was it like before the CGM? When I was his human CGM "weak-o-meter" as I was called.
What was it like to be so scared about the glucagon needle?
What would it be like if Vince wasn't diabetic?
What would it be like to not worry about Vince if he happened to miss the phone when I called?
What would it be like without the retinopathy, neuropathy, and hypoglycemia unawareness?
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Monday, February 25, 2013
I need to start acknowledging that although I have a lot on my plate, that is no question, that I also have a severe Anxiety issue. I need to remember that if I am having an exceptionally hard day or week, that I need to take a step back and think about the real issue at hand. Is it all being overwhelmed by my care taking tasks, or is it an Anxiety attack. Through it all, last week I was visiting with some great friends and talked about my issues with them more than usual. I think we have more people in our corner than I realized and it's a great feeling.
Monday, February 18, 2013
Monday morning. I wake up around 8:30AM on my own. I haven't been sleeping very well the past few nights. I wait until 9AM and call the doctor for an appointment. We get an appointment for 11AM. Around 10AM I go to wake Vince up and let him know about the appointment. He is having a very drowsy morning. He gets up and gets dressed only to sit down and sleep on the couch while I put his shoes and socks on and get him ready to leave. We leave soon and he dozes off once again in the car. He was so drowsy that at one point he woke up during the drive and thought I was driving to my work. When we get to the office, we have a seat in the waiting room. He dozes off again. Soon we are taken back to the room to wait for the doctor. He steps up on the table and has a seat. I take a seat in the room as well. He sits there, falling in and out of sleep as I watch him hoping he doesn't literally fall off the table as he sways back and forth in his sleep. I hear the doctor coming towards our room so I quickly wake him up so she doesn't see. She checks him out and gives him a script and we are on our way. We went to the pharmacy next door and then got back into the car, where he promptly dozes off again. Once we are home, he gets back into bed, I put drops in his ear and off snoring he goes back to sleep.
After I have some lunch, I am off to work for a half day. I am left feeling stressed out. The thing that makes these situations even worse is that I try to wake him up during the "dozing off" periods and his usual response is either "I'm okay" or "I'm awake" Now both of those just frustrates me even more. No your not okay, your about to fall off the table, or where ever you happen to be because your sleeping sitting up. Also, no your not awake. I can see you sleeping, head and body bobbing back and forth as you do so.
So to end this venting of a post: I HATE NEUROPATHY MEDICATIONS AND HOW THEY CHANGE WHO HE IS. This is not him. Days like this, I feel like I lost him in there somewhere and I just want my normal Vince back.
Friday, January 18, 2013
Thinking back, the majority of Vince's disabilities began to happen while we planned our wedding in 2007. It started a bit before that time, but that is the point when I remember everything really crashing down around us. His pain went from a little to a lot and his vision went very quickly; almost overnight. It was such a scary time. I remember sitting with Vince outside the first emergency eye doctor's appointment in the car when we left and we just cried. We bawled. We had no idea what was going to happen and how we were going to handle it all. We had just been told that BOTH of his eyes were in serious trouble and the doctor did not give much hope at all. He referred Vince to a specialist and in not so many words, said good luck and that specialist was Vince's best chance he had. We were scared to death. I remember going home and we went straight to bed. No dinner. No nothing. Straight to sleep. I remember thinking, if I just go to sleep, it will all go away. And it did. Untill I woke up and literally said to myself, "No, it wasn't a dream. This is real" I remember working and sleeping for the next few days. We didn't even tall family or friends at first what was going on. We were terrified.
Now, remember when I said the vision issues happened in the middle of us planning our wedding? It wasn't until years later that I realized this when someone asked me when it happened and proceeded to praise me. I never understood why they praise me. I still don't. To be completely honest, I NEVER once in that process can remember thinking maybe we should stop, not get married and end this. I honestly can't foresee having that thought if you are truly in love with someone. How would you want to leave them when they need you most? Doesn't that go against what marriage stands for? It's just not rational to me. Sure in my weak moments I ask myself how I can go on. How can I keep doing this. That it's just too hard. But once I calm down and think clearly, those thoughts go right out the window. I would never dream of deserting Vince over a medical problem. God knows, he would never do that to me. If I even have a sniffle, he sends me straight to bed with a hug and kiss to get my rest.
So what keeps me going? Well, some days, it feels like nothing. It feels like it's all too much and I just want to stop. But those days are few and far between. There has to be a good amount of bad days in a row for me to start thinking like that. So, I don't have one clear answer but I can honestly say that Vince is one thing that keeps me going. Although, most of my stress comes from his illness' he is the one that is by my side, wiping my tears, and telling me it will all be okay. He is the only one that can say it will all be okay, and I actually believe it. It's the truth. And knowing I have that and can rely on that is all I need to keep me going.
Insulin Dependent Diabetes
Type 1 Diabetes
Type 2 Diabetes
"Not so much"
The Bad One
The One That is Worse
The Pill One
The Adult One
It's a wonder the public is confused. I would be too; there was a time I was. Some of these are true terms for the disease and others are really just how people describe them. I find that the older generation uses the incorrect language more so than the younger. I also find that people who have had it for many years, usually Type 1, sometimes also use the old verbage, such as Juvenile Diabetes. I even find myself using that term sometimes, just to avoid confusion.
I find I don't mind explaining the differences to people. I figure it is one more person that will know. Spread the knowledge, right? I think that the people that have Type 2, along with the non Diabetics, are the most "confused" or "ignorant" Ignorant in a lack of knowledge sense. Not a rude or mean sense. If you talk to a Type 1 Diabetic, there is no explaining what so ever. Is this the doctor's not explaining the condition enough when people are diagnosed, in particular with Type 2? Not sure, but hopefully people will know more and more.