I have been feeling very appreciative of my marriage lately. Appreciative of what a wonderful husband Vince is to me. I miss him when I am working and call him just to hear his voice. I am giddy just to be with him. To watch TV and laugh with him. To go out shopping with him.
And then, I wonder. Is this normal? After being with someone for 10 years? Is this what a normal marriage is like? Or are these feelings exaggerated because he is sick? There have been times in the past where I worried about a day when Vince isn’t around. When I am alone, without him. What would I do if he were to pass away? I can’t imagine going through life without my best buddy beside me to laugh and cry with. To lean on when no one else in this world can make me feel better.
If he wasn’t sick, would I have these thoughts and fears? If life threatening situations were not in my face, would I internally rationalize this love differently? What is a normal marriage like? Or normal love? He is my first love so I don’t know. Is it normal to want to spend every minute I can with him. To look forward to going home from work to him just so I can laugh with him? I feel like I can’t get enough time with him. But who is to say he would die first? Although I am not sick, you never know what can happen in life. Is it my anxiety causing these feelings? Maybe it is.
Then you might have the people who read this and think that I have issues. I need more counseling to get a hold of myself. Of dealing with my situation. But, I am happy. If my biggest issue right now is that I can’t get enough of my honey, then I’m probably not too bad off J
All I know is, I cherish every day I have with him. He is my everything.