Another Low

Blood sugars have been a little off lately. Vince seems to be going low late night/early morning. Nighttime sugars have always been a struggle for him to keep at an acceptable level. That is one of the main factors that helped him to make the decision to try the pump again. No matter how he took the Lantus, he would go either too high (the majority of the time) or too low. With the pump, it is MUCH easier to control however it is rarely perfect.

Last night he had another low. That on top of the drowsiness from his Neuropathy meds resulted in spilled milk and yelling for my help at 3:30 in the morning. Usually I hear the bowl drop (as it has happened before) but this morning I didn’t. I just woke up to him yelling for my help. I went to the kitchen to find him half asleep, having a low, milk all over himself, the floor, and the table, and the bowl on the floor. All he says is “I’m weak” I didn’t see the cereal, so I asked him just to confirm that he ate it so I would know his sugar would be ok. He did. So I cleaned up the floor, the table, and himself and got him some cold water in hopes to stop his sweating that was resulting from the low blood sugar. I don’t remember if I asked him how low he was. I was half asleep myself. But I knew he ate enough. He was barely awake enough to get to bed so I told him to stand up and go straight to the bedroom and that I was going to get him a change of clothes.

Normally in this scenario, he says he wants a shower since he got milk on himself and he was sweating but luckily he didn’t. I say luckily because I am always scared to let him take a shower when he is that drowsy. So I got him to the bed, helped him change and got him to lay down. It took me over an hour though to fall back asleep. Just in time to get up for work.

We recently had a talk about how he acts when he is drowsy. I asked him why he gets so stubborn and tries to do things (such as shower) when he can barely stay awake. I expressed how frustrating this is for me. He compared it to being drunk. You don’t always know what you are doing and you don’t always listen to what people are telling you. That made complete sense. It seems that the conversation we had helped a lot. Somewhere in his mind, I think he was trying to be patient and listen to me this time because he wasn’t acting as stubborn as he normally does when the side effects kick in. He didn’t insist on a shower or getting another cup of juice or testing his blood sugar. When I tell him to go straight to bed, I know none of these things are needed. I take care of whatever things he might need at that moment since he can’t stay awake.

We are such a great team. We both try our hardest not to take out the situation on each other. Think about how you feel after taking NyQuil? What if you took two doses in one, and then had low blood sugar on top of it? It’s not the same thing, but the results of a foggy head from his medications and/or low blood sugar are similar.

The Ways I Help Vince

Vince has multiple complications from his Diabetes. He has developed Neuropathy, Retinopathy, Hypoglycemia Unawareness. Due to these complications, he has become disabled and needs my assistance to do many things a healthy 33 year old can do on their own. Here are the things he needs my help with and the complication causing the need.

Neuropathy – Pain, Numbness, and Muscle Weakness in all four limbs

·         I help put on Vince’s shoes and socks. This process irritates and pains his hands and feet.

·         Vince is unable cook any longer. He cannot feel temperatures so he burns himself very easily. While I am at work, he uses the microwave and sometimes the toaster oven to heat his meals, however that is the extent of his cooking capabilities at this point. I always make sure that he has meals that he can heat up while I am at work. They vary between a frozen entrée to leftovers from dinner the night before.

·         Due to the constant pain in his limbs, he is no longer able to help with chores around the house. He does however help with a few select things when his pain permits. He feeds our cat, picks up odds and ends that need to be put away, and can empty small waste baskets around the house. I take care of the other chores that involve either temperatures or a lot of handling such as vacuuming, dish washing, and laundry to name a few.

Neuropathy AND Retinopathy – Significant vision loss in his right eye. Able to see dark shadows only. Vision in the left eye has improved to approx. 20/40. Sometimes the need for help is the result of having both complications together

·         Due to the vision loss and the pain in his limbs, Vince’s driving is limited to an as needed basis. I do the driving 99% of the time. This includes anything from errands and shopping, to rides to his doctor’s appointments. Since he does still hold a valid driver’s license, he will drive if I am unable to take off work for a specific appointment, however with the help of FMLA, I am able to take him most of the time.

·         Vince takes multiple medications for Neuropathy, Blood Pressure, Cholesterol, Asthma, Vitamin D Deficiency, and of course Diabetes. These medications are taken multiple times throughout the day, all at specific times. We have a large pill box with 28 compartments which is a one week supply. Due to the numbness in his hands and the limited vision, I fill the container with a week’s supply of his medication to be sure everything is in the correct location. I also keep track of inventory of all medications and supplies to be sure they are refilled as needed.

·         Vince is on the Medtronic Revel insulin pump and CGM (continuous glucose monitor) The insulin in the pump is refilled and injected every other day. The CGM is changed out every 6 days. Due to the numbness in Vince’s hands and the vision impairment, he needs my assistance in preparing and injecting these items. He also takes a testosterone treatment which involves injections 3 times a week. I prepare and administer these as well, for the reasons listed above.

A Topic I am NOT passionate about, like I am with Diabetes

I don’t talk about my anxiety too often. I hate that I have it. Like I have a choice. But it has been a little on edge lately. I am not sure why. Maybe because Vince was so sick with Bronchitis for two weeks? Maybe my medication needs to be changed? Maybe no reason at all. Maybe it’s just the nature of the beast.

Even after 6+ years of dealing with this, I think I am still in denial. Like Diabetes, it is not a visible disease. But Diabetes is much different. You are required to manually work as your pancreas 24 hours a day and guestimate what your liver is doing in response to all of your hard work.

But Anxiety? It’s all in your head. Literally. You don’t have much control of your thoughts, do you? Think how frustrating it must be to be worried or feel uneasy but have no explanation on why. You even tell yourself this and say this is not rational. But it doesn’t help. So you take medicine. It helps, but not 100%. It seems to be a vicious cycle. Even worse is that I know anxiety is not rational. I consciously know this. But it feels like one side of the brain won’t listen to the other. It’s a struggle. The worrying about anything and everything. But just like Diabetes, it comes and goes. Good days and bad. It is just one more thing I have to learn to deal with. 

A Prayer

I recently noticed a framed prayer my friend/co worker had sitting on her desk and I absolutely love it. The words are so strong:

Serenity Prayer

God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things
I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can
and the Wisdom to know the difference.

A Drowsy Low

It happened again. I knew it would. That is how Diabetes works. You think all is fine and then all of the sudden, it acts up and misbehaves.

Vince had a low this morning. A really bad Low. A 40 low. He doesn’t see many lows like that anymore. It was shortly before I got up for work. His CGM was beeping away. We both tend to ignore it at night right now because they are almost always false alarms. Well, Vince finally got up and realized he was low. He sat on the edge of the bed and I asked him what he was doing. He wouldn’t answer. I asked him again. And again. Still no answer. Just as I was about to lose my cool, he said he was low. I asked him if he needed help and he said no, he would be ok. So he got up and went to the kitchen. As soon as I saw the light go on and knew he was getting something to eat, I drifted off back to sleep. I woke up some time later (not sure how long, but it wasn’t too long) to my alarm clock for work. He was still in the kitchen. I went out and asked if he was okay. He said he was 40 but he had eaten and was alright.

‘Then why was he still in the kitchen’ I thought? Well, good old neuropathy medication at its best was doing what it does best. Making him super drowsy. He was nodding in and out of sleep while standing at the kitchen counter. In these moments, I have been known to lose my cool and get aggravated with him. He doesn’t even realize he is sleeping so when I tell him to go to bed he says right away ‘I’m fine. I’m not sleeping.’ When he clearly is. So I got him to the bed and he wanted to floss his teeth. ‘Ok, be patient Sandy’, I thought. He started rocking back and forth in his drowsiness state so I suggested he just lay down and go to sleep. Well, that he did but he took the toothpick with him. As he is picking his teeth, laying down, he starts to doze off. I wake him up and ask him to put the tooth pick down so he doesn’t hurt himself. He is upset and frustrated with me. He insists he is not dozing off. Then it turns into a fight. All I want to do is keep him safe. So he puts it down and I storm off.

It’s not fair. We never fight when he is in a normal state of mind. It is the darn medication and the side effects that cause tension. A fine line between me keeping my cool and keeping him safe and him trying so hard to take care of himself so he doesn’t feel like a child is a tough line to walk.