I don’t talk about my anxiety too often. I hate that I have it. Like I have a choice. But it has been a little on edge lately. I am not sure why. Maybe because Vince was so sick with Bronchitis for two weeks? Maybe my medication needs to be changed? Maybe no reason at all. Maybe it’s just the nature of the beast.
Even after 6+ years of dealing with this, I think I am still in denial. Like Diabetes, it is not a visible disease. But Diabetes is much different. You are required to manually work as your pancreas 24 hours a day and guestimate what your liver is doing in response to all of your hard work.
But Anxiety? It’s all in your head. Literally. You don’t have much control of your thoughts, do you? Think how frustrating it must be to be worried or feel uneasy but have no explanation on why. You even tell yourself this and say this is not rational. But it doesn’t help. So you take medicine. It helps, but not 100%. It seems to be a vicious cycle. Even worse is that I know anxiety is not rational. I consciously know this. But it feels like one side of the brain won’t listen to the other. It’s a struggle. The worrying about anything and everything. But just like Diabetes, it comes and goes. Good days and bad. It is just one more thing I have to learn to deal with.