Monday, April 18, 2011
Strength (Not thinking too clearly at the moment so it may not be written to well)
I have a very bad habit, if you want to call it that. I rely on Vince for my strength 24/7. My emotional strength that is. I need him to be strong and show me strength in order for me to get through situations. How horrible am I? I need HIM to be strong for ME? Doesn't he have enough to deal with in order to remain strong for himself? Why can't I let him break down sometimes? How unfair of me! Sad thing is, I don't always know how to keep it all together once he falls apart. We have so many things going on and going wrong in our lives lately, (some that I haven't talked or posted about, but maybe in the future when the time is right) that it's hard to keep it together all the time. Why is it that I can cry and be sad and he is there to pick me up 100% of the time. But then when he is down, I am not there 100% of the time to do the same for him. If he is just in pain and having a hard time, then I have no problem being there for him. It's when things that come up that are more emotionally draining on my heart in addition to his. A recent situation has made this happen again. I was dealing with the issue and as soon as I realized he was having trouble and was down too, it got me even more sad. I actually told him to please be happy. That we both have to be strong for each other so we don't lose it. Then shortly after, I started to lose it and I told him that I knew that was very unfair of me to ask of him. That I knew we would both get through this problem, and I told him I was sorry for telling him he HAD to be strong for me. Why do I think like this? Is it because he is the one person in my life that make me the happiest and whenever I need him, he is there to pick me back up? I know I need to learn to be strong for myself sometimes. I should not rely solely on him, since he has a hard enough time keeping himself together with all his issues. This is why when people say how strong I am, I don't believe it 100%. Sure, I am strong most of the time for him, but I think I need to do better.
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I rely on my DH to be the strong one in our relationship too. So far he has not had any real issues (healthwise or emotionally) so he continues top be there. But I know I need to have a wider support network to help me to not lean to much.
ReplyDeleteHang in there, Sandy. We all have our moments, and no one (I repeat: NO ONE!) can be strong 100% of the time! Do you have any friends that can be supportive? It helps!
ReplyDeleteTake care,
Lilly
I sure hope everything is OK Sandy. "D" complicates our interpersonal relationships for sure. It is normal to lean on your significant other. Don't feel guilty for that. I love ya!!! Thinking of you guys.
ReplyDeleteSandy
ReplyDeleteHow can I help?
to tell you that you are being too hard on yourself?
that probably won't help
but its true
when the two of you agreed to be a couple, both of you agreed that you would build on the strength in each other
if that means that you are "strong" in some areas and he is "strong in others
well, that's just fine
and that is "fair"
its not about measuring
love is about helping each other in they way each needs it
Vince's diabetes is measured by glucose meters
"medicine" has worked to define diseases that men have
I'll bet that there are many diseases that we women have that "medicine" has not bothered to figure out how to measure because "its too hard" or "its a women thing" or some other such "stupid" thing
I think you are doing a great job
hang in there
rely on him for his emotional support
I'm guessing he is strong enough to take it
don't be so hard on yourself
have faith in him that he can take it
be good to yourself!
Wow you guys are the BEST. I know Vince is an extremely strong person so I guess it's okay I lean on him once in a while....? I suppose so. Just makes me feel guilty since he has so much going on inside his own self. Then again, I have a major guilt problem in life in general lol thanks guys. Love all of you!!!!!!!!!!!!
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