Monday, February 18, 2013

These Are The Days I Feel There Is Too Much Weight On My Shoulders

It's Sunday night. Vince says he thinks he should go to the doctor. His ear hurts. It must be an infection. So I call my supervisor, who is the most understanding boss (and friend) I could ask for. I let her know I will be in late tomorrow morning. No problem she says.

Monday morning. I wake up around 8:30AM on my own. I haven't been sleeping very well the past few nights. I wait until 9AM and call the doctor for an appointment. We get an appointment for 11AM. Around 10AM I go to wake Vince up and let him know about the appointment. He is having a very drowsy morning. He gets up and gets dressed only to sit down and sleep on the couch while I put his shoes and socks on and get him ready to leave. We leave soon and he dozes off once again in the car. He was so drowsy that at one point he woke up during the drive and thought I was driving to my work. When we get to the office, we have a seat in the waiting room. He dozes off again. Soon we are taken back to the room to wait for the doctor. He steps up on the table and has a seat. I take a seat in the room as well. He sits there, falling in and out of sleep as I watch him hoping he doesn't literally fall off the table as he sways back and forth in his sleep. I hear the doctor coming towards our room so I quickly wake him up so she doesn't see. She checks him out and gives him a script and we are on our way. We went to the pharmacy next door and then got back into the car, where he promptly dozes off again. Once we are home, he gets back into bed, I put drops in his ear and off snoring he goes back to sleep.

After I have some lunch, I am off to work for a half day. I am left feeling stressed out. The thing that makes these situations even worse is that I try to wake him up during the "dozing off" periods and his usual response is either "I'm okay" or "I'm awake" Now both of those just frustrates me even more. No your not okay, your about to fall off the table, or where ever you happen to be because your sleeping sitting up. Also, no your not awake. I can see you sleeping, head and body bobbing back and forth as you do so.

So to end this venting of a post: I HATE NEUROPATHY MEDICATIONS AND HOW THEY CHANGE WHO HE IS. This is not him. Days like this, I feel like I lost him in there somewhere and I just want my normal Vince back.


  1. Sandy,
    Its awful to feel so much responsibility
    and no way to resolve it
    oh, yeah, you took care of the immediate problem
    you always do
    but there is no end in sight
    and you are right
    you did lose Vince somewhere
    that Vince is never coming back
    its very sad, but true
    on the other hand, a new Vince is here now
    he is sweet and caring
    and he loves you
    Days like this it may not seem like enough
    but in your heart, you know it is....

  2. So sorry you are going through this, Sandy. Many medications change who people are. Often, it seems as if there is no good choice, and dealing with the changes in the person we love is very hard indeed. As Tom's Wife says, it does sound as if Vince is still sweet and caring, which is huge.

    Take care,


  3. Sorry to hear Vincent's struggle and yours. But I know he can count on you. You're strong for him and you know he needed you. Don't forget to pray and ask for guidance, strength and wisdom.

    Know more about Actos lawsuit today.