Saturday, July 30, 2011

I just sit in silence...

I sit out back of Vince's nephews new house as we celebrate with a housewarming party. It's 95 degrees out but there is a lot of trees of shade and a breeze and it was so peaceful. What a beautiful house and private yard to BBQ in! As Vince and I talk with one of his brothers, and a couple that stopped by from across the street, the pain starts, full force. Vince cringes in pain as I just sit there, staring at the ground with a blank look on my face. His brother asks him if he is okay and Vince just nods. I take a glance at the clock on my phone to see if he is due for a pain pill, and he is. Just as I am about to ask him if he wants some medicine, he asks me for his black bag. I am already out of my chair, and on the way to the car to retrieve it. Inside it, he carries his glucose meter and test strips, glucose tablets, alcohol wipes, and his pain medicine. I hand it to him and he takes a pill. The conversation continues amongst him and I and the others. Later in the evening as we talk about the day, the episode came up. It made me think. Why do I just sit in silence when he has an episode in front of people. I suppose it is because I know I can't do anything. What if I look at the others around us and continue talking? Will they wonder why I am not doing anything to help him? Do they realize there is nothing that anyone can do? Or maybe it's because I try not to show how sad it makes me to see him. Maybe by sitting there quietly, staring into space for those few seconds of extreme pain and shocks, I am just trying not to get emotional. I suppose it is all of the above.


  1. It must be hard for you both.

    Does he take his pain meds on a schedule or as needed? If on a schedule can taking actaully "on time" avoid "bad" episodes of pain or do they come regardless?

    I don't want you think that I'm questioning your current process but just wondering if any thing could help?

  2. Sometimes, there really is very little that we as spouses can do. And there will always be someone in out lives who won't understand that. Sounds like you did fine!

  3. I 'get' it. I think it is a bit of all of it. You and Vince are quite a team Sandy.

  4. I think it's all of the above. : ( Sorry. Glad you know exactly what he needs!

  5. @Melissa yeah he is on a schedule but it doesn't stop it :(

  6. and then sometimes, its like watching an accident happen. you know you are supposed to do something to change the outcome -- but you just can't move your limbs. its like seeing it in slow motion.

    the beeper beeps, the alarm goes off, the signals go off in his eyes or limbs.... and yet, we sit there. maybe if others see what we see, they will understand....

    then again, we hate to see the pain, we just can't tolerate, he is still the man we love.....