Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Pink Pump Case?

Have you ever forgotten that you are not the diabetic? That it is really your child or spouse? I think we as caregivers get so wrapped up in helping the diabetic in our lives that we forget that we are not diabetic ourselves. I find when I am at a doctor’s visit for myself and they ask my history, I have to think twice before blurting out Vince’s medications and medical history. At times I even feel guilty for eating that brownie or ice cream I craved, thinking it is bad for my sugar or glancing at the carbs on my food before opening my mouth. I think it is normal when your life is consumed by all things diabetic. I was even looking at a website recently at pump packs for Vince’s pump. I saw a really neat one and then realized, wait, that is pink. I don’t think he would appreciate a pink pump case. Let me look for an Eagles or Phillies one. Or maybe he just wants plain black. I forget that it is not me, it is him. Is this because subconsciously I wish I could take away his diabetes and nerve pain? I said to Vince once, “I wish I could take all your pain and diabetes for a day, and give you a break. I’ll wear the pump and deal with everything and give you the day off.” I wish sometimes I could do this for him, but he quickly said, “I would never ever want you to experience from the inside what I am going through. I will gladly deal with it so you never have to.” It breaks my heart for him. I don’t know how he is so strong. I should be the strong one for him, not the other way around. I think one of the reasons his diseases have brought us closer instead of pushed us apart, is because we are always trying to make the other one happy. Worry a little less. Put on a strong face for the other to prove to each other we will get through it one more day.

1 comment:

  1. Sandy...I chuckled thinking of you picking out the pink case. Joe is black and PLAIN through and through :(

    I wish I could take it on for Joe too.