Thursday, June 2, 2011

The Reoccurring Dream, No, Nightmare

I awoke with a very frightening, sad, and scared feeling this morning. I have these mornings every now and then. I am wondering if it is just me or if the rest of the DOC experiences this. It is the dream of the diabetic in your life dying. My dreams are normally vague and all over the place so there isn’t a lot of detail. I just remember crying nonstop because Vince was slowly dying. He looked fine and okay, but I knew that he was dying. Soon I wasn’t going to have him anymore. That was the extent of the actual dream, but it left me with a horrible feeling this morning as I was getting ready for work. Vince was actually awake and I told him about. He chuckled and said as he always does, “I’m not going anywhere.” I hugged him a million times before leaving for work. He just kept telling me that he wasn’t going anywhere. On the drive to work, I was still thinking about the dream. What would happen if I lost him? Who would hold me and comfort me? He is the one that does that. How would I ever go on? How would I return home and live in our house with our cat? Everything last thing in my life is around him and us. What would happen if he was gone one day? Then I have to remind myself to snap out of it. He is sick, but healthy. He sees the doctors regularly and has his entire body and organs checked each time. We are doing everything possible to keep him as healthy as we can. He’s not dying, right? Seeing him sick day after day, it must be twisted in the back of my mind that he is slowly dying. It’s HORRIBLE! I know he isn’t! I just don’t know what I would do without him.


  1. Sandy,
    you are not alone. I would venture to guess that all of us wives have had that dream many times. I certainly have! It is very scary!
    On one hand, I will tell you that its good that you care enough to still have the dream -- actually I'm grateful that I still care enough to have that dream -- there are times when I almost wish that would happen (I know it sounds horrible but Tom is not always the rock that you describe Vince to be)
    On the other hand, over time, these dreams happen at times when you least expect them.

    we could have an entire conversation on dreams..
    hmmm, maybe I'll do a blog on that!

    see ya'

  2. Oh Sandy. I really feel for you. I guess the same could be said for all of us, we are all slowly dying. On any given day we arent promised tomorrow. Live as much quality as we can with as much vigor and life. You are a wonderful loving wife giving Vince your all. Cannot do ANY more than that xx.

  3. Sandy,
    No, you are not alone. I could repeat verbatim everything Tom's Wife has already said in her comment!
    Take care,

  4. I live daily with the knowledge my cancer most likely will come back in an incurable form. So, maybe I can understand Vince's point of view. Jules said it well, "I guess the same could be said for all of us, we are all slowly dying."

    From the moment we take our first breaths we are all destined to die. Yet, that death is only for the physical body. The soul remains. Love remains.


  5. I've had that dream about Joe once. When I woke my heart was racing. I was freaked. Sometimes...and I don't know that I would ever talk about this on my blog...sometimes, I feel that Joe is not long for this world. My MIL said the same thing...which freaks me out.

    Have a wonderful w/e Sandy.

  6. Might be a dream, but all too real. My hubby is 63 and 100% disabled and I wonder about how long long will I still wake up beside him in our bed of 39 years together. It is a nightmare when I ponder living without him...glad it was a dream/nightmare and you woke up. HUGS and LOVE.

  7. I think about it too. Maybe I have a little different perspective as my grandmother was widowed at 23 with a 2 year old son but lived to be 97. She always talked about it.