Thursday, June 2, 2011
The Reoccurring Dream, No, Nightmare
I awoke with a very frightening, sad, and scared feeling this morning. I have these mornings every now and then. I am wondering if it is just me or if the rest of the DOC experiences this. It is the dream of the diabetic in your life dying. My dreams are normally vague and all over the place so there isn’t a lot of detail. I just remember crying nonstop because Vince was slowly dying. He looked fine and okay, but I knew that he was dying. Soon I wasn’t going to have him anymore. That was the extent of the actual dream, but it left me with a horrible feeling this morning as I was getting ready for work. Vince was actually awake and I told him about. He chuckled and said as he always does, “I’m not going anywhere.” I hugged him a million times before leaving for work. He just kept telling me that he wasn’t going anywhere. On the drive to work, I was still thinking about the dream. What would happen if I lost him? Who would hold me and comfort me? He is the one that does that. How would I ever go on? How would I return home and live in our house with our cat? Everything last thing in my life is around him and us. What would happen if he was gone one day? Then I have to remind myself to snap out of it. He is sick, but healthy. He sees the doctors regularly and has his entire body and organs checked each time. We are doing everything possible to keep him as healthy as we can. He’s not dying, right? Seeing him sick day after day, it must be twisted in the back of my mind that he is slowly dying. It’s HORRIBLE! I know he isn’t! I just don’t know what I would do without him.