Thursday, June 30, 2011

Is That The Sun Coming Up?

It's 4:30AM and the beeping wakes me once again. Vince isn't responding to it and for some reason I cannot turn on the backlight. I get up and turn on the light and take a look. Low battery. Ugh. So I get up, get a new one and change it. Vince is completely out and not acting right. I try talking to him and he is just making noises. I know he isn't weak since the CGM is reading 175 but I also know he isn't acting right. I "threaten" him that if he doesn't talk to me, then I will test him. He doesn't budge. I start losing my temper since I am pretty sure he isn't low. I test him and he in fact is not low. I then try to wake him and yell at him telling him that if he doesn't talk to me, then I will call 911. He mumbles "I can't". Through more mumbling and yelling I realize his bedtime medicine has hit him hard that night and he is beyond drowsy. I am sure our neighbor in the bedroom below us loves the yelling by the way. So at this point, I yell to him to get comfortable. He knows what that means, but let me explain. When he is in pain or completely out of it from the meds, he tends to sleep with his legs bent up and his arms all over the place, or one leg off the bed. You get the idea. From this, he has fallen out of bed, so when I say get comfortable, that is exactly what I mean. He will grab the covers and adjust so he isn't moving around so much and won't fall out of bed. Once he is settled, my guilt takes over and I realize I was yelling at him again and he didn't do anything wrong. It's not his fault he is drowsy, is it? I have actually been doing really good on the yelling. My post about it, i think really really helped me, but I guess we all slip up sometimes. Knowing he is completely out of it, and won't feel me, I take him arm and hold him. I tell him I am sorry over and over. Then I roll over and get comfortable myself and try to go back to sleep. Then my thoughts get the best of me once again. Don't forget to put such and such on the grocery list. How am I ever going to get through the day on no sleep? Maybe I should get a cappuccino on the way to work. Or would a 5 hour energy work better? Is that the sun coming up? Oh no, I need sleep! That went on for a while until I finally fell asleep, but only to dream about Vince actually falling out of bed and being drowsy, haha. I can't get away from it, can I? As a side note, speaking of getting away, last weekend my sister in law took me out to lunch for a Mani and Pedi to celebrate my birthday and it was wonderful. I felt great and so relaxed! I am going to be getting mani's and pedi's regularly now!! Haha I feel guilty leaving Vince for my time alone but it is so worth it. I feel so much better, and in the end, I will have more patience for him.


  1. Oh my Sandy!!! I am so hearing you on the lack of sleep. I have had a rough week with Joe. Been up at least twice a night dealing with one thing or another ALL D' RELATED...UGH.

    I hope your day went well.

  2. Bless your heart. It is super hard to care for someone with diabetes, but don't forget to care for yourself. I'm so glad you got a mani-pedi, and you SHOuLD get them more often, you deserve it. You do so much for Vince, and don't beat yourself up-I don't even think he heard you tell him to get comfortable! : ) Hope you get some sleep : ) Holly

  3. Hi Sandy
    I just caught up on your posts from several weeks (been out of town and wasn't able to log in)

    First, you are so strong and wise -- particularly for your age! If I had known what you know and had your attitude twenty years ago, well, our lives may have been better

    I do what I can to help Tom but he has never had the problems that Vince suffers

    and sometimes I get so angry and so scared that I can't help - I yell at Tom and stay angry longer than I "should"

    but as you say... we are human and can only handle so much

    we start out when they are "not so sick"
    but as time goes by, their health gets worse and we have to adapt
    its difficult
    each of us needs to determine our own path

    you are one of my heroes - no matter what you do
    stay true to yourself
    take care of yourself
    and keep writing

  4. Hi toms wife. I get angry and scared a lotto. That is where the yelling comes in. We moved this weekend and we have both been a bit stressed so the nagging has been a bit more but we get through it and we are doing ok. One day at a time :) thank you for your kind words. They mean so much xoxo

  5. Hi, Sandy - I have to chime in here with tomswife - you are an incredibly strong and brave woman - especially as young as you are and as ill as Vince already is. I hope you give yourself a lot of credit - be assured that the rest of us do!

    I am so grateful that I am retired. I couldn't handle all of this if I had to deal with a job too.

    I know all of us said "in sickness, and in health" as part of our marriage vows, but I'm not sure any of us had a clue how difficult that part could get. We are all finding our way. But my hat is off to you - you are absolutely a shining example of courage!!