Thursday, June 30, 2011
Is That The Sun Coming Up?
It's 4:30AM and the beeping wakes me once again. Vince isn't responding to it and for some reason I cannot turn on the backlight. I get up and turn on the light and take a look. Low battery. Ugh. So I get up, get a new one and change it. Vince is completely out and not acting right. I try talking to him and he is just making noises. I know he isn't weak since the CGM is reading 175 but I also know he isn't acting right. I "threaten" him that if he doesn't talk to me, then I will test him. He doesn't budge. I start losing my temper since I am pretty sure he isn't low. I test him and he in fact is not low. I then try to wake him and yell at him telling him that if he doesn't talk to me, then I will call 911. He mumbles "I can't". Through more mumbling and yelling I realize his bedtime medicine has hit him hard that night and he is beyond drowsy. I am sure our neighbor in the bedroom below us loves the yelling by the way. So at this point, I yell to him to get comfortable. He knows what that means, but let me explain. When he is in pain or completely out of it from the meds, he tends to sleep with his legs bent up and his arms all over the place, or one leg off the bed. You get the idea. From this, he has fallen out of bed, so when I say get comfortable, that is exactly what I mean. He will grab the covers and adjust so he isn't moving around so much and won't fall out of bed. Once he is settled, my guilt takes over and I realize I was yelling at him again and he didn't do anything wrong. It's not his fault he is drowsy, is it? I have actually been doing really good on the yelling. My post about it, i think really really helped me, but I guess we all slip up sometimes. Knowing he is completely out of it, and won't feel me, I take him arm and hold him. I tell him I am sorry over and over. Then I roll over and get comfortable myself and try to go back to sleep. Then my thoughts get the best of me once again. Don't forget to put such and such on the grocery list. How am I ever going to get through the day on no sleep? Maybe I should get a cappuccino on the way to work. Or would a 5 hour energy work better? Is that the sun coming up? Oh no, I need sleep! That went on for a while until I finally fell asleep, but only to dream about Vince actually falling out of bed and being drowsy, haha. I can't get away from it, can I? As a side note, speaking of getting away, last weekend my sister in law took me out to lunch for a Mani and Pedi to celebrate my birthday and it was wonderful. I felt great and so relaxed! I am going to be getting mani's and pedi's regularly now!! Haha I feel guilty leaving Vince for my time alone but it is so worth it. I feel so much better, and in the end, I will have more patience for him.