Friday, February 11, 2011
Unfair Heartbreak and Frustrations
I don't know what could be more frustrating. To be the one with a disease or to be the onlooker of a loved one with the disease. Of course since I am the onlooker, I feel it is the more frustrating view. What are my frustrations? Oh there are so many: seeing the pain Vince goes through and the struggles he has because of it; seeing him stumble through the house and fall down from the pain and weakness in his legs; seeing him have to come to the conclusion at the age of 30 to file for disability, and seeing what that does to him emotionally to know that he is not providing for his family like your average husband does; seeing him get so drowsy from the recipe of pills he is forced to take everyday for his pain, that he at times can barely stay awake to feed himself or test his own blood sugar, what's more frustrating is sitting there and talking to him just to keep him awake until he can get through a particular task, and then having him get frustrated and try convincing himself (and I) that he isn't falling asleep; and what is the most frustrating and heartbreaking of all is when he tells you that even though he knows I am doing all the right things and all I can to help him get through the day, that it sounds like nagging to him but that he knows I can't just stop, because that would mean I would just stop caring so he is forced to deal with it, deal with everyone around him asking him questions that you would have to ask a 5 year old, all because he happens to be diabetic. So which side is more frustrating and unfair? Maybe both. A husband and wife shouldn't have to deal with these situations and unfair heartbreak and frustrations, but amazingly we somehow get through it and love each other more for it at the end of the day.